Sang to the tune of R.E.M.'s "Losing My Religion"
Oh, I am bigger
I'm bigger than you
And I'm growing
The lengths that I will go to
To eat some moon pies
Oh no, I've said too much
I ate it up
That's me at McDonalds
That's me in the fridge, I'm
Losing motivation
Trying to lose all my weight
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't worked out in weeks
I thought that I was stronger
I thought that I could cheat
I think I thought I could eat that fry.....
As you have probably noticed, I haven't been posting much here or in any forums. This blog is a funny thing. It's been an amazing tool in my weight loss journey and has connected me to fantastic people throughout the world. It kept me going when I wanted to quit before and picked me up when I stumbled.
But this time I didn't just stumble, I completely fell off the wagon and gave in to all my bad habits. And as I spiraled down into a deep abyss of self destruction (it really hasn't been that bad, I'm just taking some creative license for dramatic effect) I turned away from the support that NMFD has offered, forsaking it for moon pies, M&Ms, ice cream, fast food and soda.
As I mentioned in my last post (has it really been almost 2 weeks since I stopped posting regularly?), I think completing the SEAL Fitness Challenge was a catalyst for my fall. I had worked so hard for 5 months to prepare for the challenge and when it was over I didn't have a new goal to reach for that would keep me on track.
Sure there's the triathlon coming up in July, but I just did the friggin Navy SEAL Fitness Challenge, a triathlon will be easy! That's what I've been telling myself when I'm sure nothing could be further from the truth.
I've had plenty of reasons to make excuses for not eating right and not exercising but I've finally come to a point where I know that if I continue down this path, I will be right back where I started in January. Undoing all the fantastic things I've done so far.
When I took that first stop off the wagon I was at 178 pounds. That was just 8 pounds away from my target weight of 170. The last time I weighed myself (last Monday), I was up to 180 pounds. I actually avoided the scale yesterday because I didn't want to see me go over 180. I'm actually surprised I'm not heavier because when I do something I go all out. I've eaten a lot of crap food, drank my first sodas and hit fast food joints for the first time this year. For me, it's all or nothing.
I've worked out sporadically during the last two weeks and had a camping trip that I hiked up and down hills for two entire days but I haven't kept a regular schedule and I haven't done any kick-butt workouts since the 14th.
Today, with this post, I'm officially picking myself up off the ground, dusting myself off and jumping back up on that wagon and getting back on track.
I still have a triathlon to prepare for and a transformation contest to win. I've wallowed in self-pity for the past few days and it's time to get over all that and move on.
That's the difference between the new me and the old me. I know how to move on and not kill myself over mistakes and I know exactly what I need to do to reach my goals. That knowledge is very empowering. In the past, I really had no clue how to get in shape and undo all the bad I'd done. But now I do know and I'll put all that knowledge to use to reach my goal of 170 pounds and winning the transformation contest.
